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Game was the starting point. Black Wanker and Outrigger were waiting with their cars with Baby Oil and Gina. Where were the rest? Whoever heard of slow Hashers? Pan Body promised us a long run – and it was (11kms) – through the local bairros. The immense amount of rain during the last few weeks had left the area underwater in places. Bwana, Maceterbator, and Black Wanker were the true Hashers as they went straight through the middle, not tip-toeing through like the rest.
The Hares managed to lose the Hashatollah whilst on the run – he was probably not listening at the time – only to find him waiting at the second hold. This is when the walking Hares got lost following their own trail (which didn’t exist!). It was up to Evil Kenivel and Black Wanker to save the day, taking the walkers through the water, knee deep at some points, back to dodge the racing cars on track.
Chuck Spears was in for trouble today as he had sent round messages that the whole of Maputo was to be hit by a huge cyclone and be underwater – it never came! Glovebox (in her sexy tennis dress) and Cows On Ice were called in for some misdemeanours from early that morning. Jolly Erect Member was in trouble for stealing Dirty Pussy’s parking space again as a groupie. Bunny Chow has notched up 350 runs now, and regularly makes up his own trails (sometimes missing the beer stops).
Maceterbator came to the Hash will a pocket full of bangers, and continually set them off during the day. He was given the Rathole for being noisy, and was joined by Baby Oil, Smelly Cheese, Lap Dancer, and Water Dog. Maceterbator was ratted out again and led a new song that he had learnt about incest – nice!
The Hares were obviously candidates for the shirt of shame, as was Maceterbator. All were shocked to learn that someone had washed the Hashshit shirt – that in itself should be a Hashshit occurrence. Obviously Lap Dancer wouldn’t be Hashshit as Dirty Pussy wouldn’t be getting any action in bed afterwards! Chuck Spears was the one to be punished with the shirt, and he took it like a true Hasher- pouring it over his head!
The Aeroclub was once again the starting point for another city run – Boring! This auspicious occasion saw many Hashers turn up in the clothes they only wear in the house – women’s clothes! Johnnie Walker’s wife was in town, so he couldn’t wear her undies today, so had to make do with dressing up as the devil. Pan Body showed of his wife’s bra, and Echo with Howling Hyena had both come in the same dress – as maids – shouldn’t one of them go home to change?
Jolly Erect Member and Black Wanker arrived for the circle (at least Black Wanker had a red shirt on) as they were both carrying injuries and unable to run – and they were punished for it. Lots of punishment all round today, and for once Dirty Pussy kept the circle short (lol), but not before he had Nite Moaner punished for stealing his parking place that he has used for the past 10 years! Everyone was ready to party, and as soon as the MH3 anthem had been sung, the party began. Beer, food, and more beer. What more could a hasher want?
“Paper’s on the right,” It was on the left mostly. “If you’re on three you’re on trail” On four, On On. – Checkback! Lying Bastards! All the runners heard the whole run was “Checkback.” Bugger the damn checkbacks. This was probably due to the run in with the law and the locals whilst setting the trail in the mornings.
The runners soon realised that after the many checkbacks, if the Hares didn’t move down a path, don’t go it’s a false trail. Halfway between checkpoints, Black Wanker was checking out a trail, when the other hashers cleared off without a word. He then proceeded to be unable to retrace his footsteps and got lost. Thankfully he had the brains (????) to find the cars, and decided to have his own beer stop for the next 45 minutes whilst he waited for the rest to return. This actually meant for the first time (and probably the last) that Black Wanker was the Front Running Bastard (FRB). He never got the shirt though as Bwana had forgotten that he had it at home!
Back at the circle, Leprechaun was dragged in to the circle, for what, nobody knows! Red Meat had to remove his shoe and drink from it as it was brand new. Dirty Wet Cookie notched up 100 runs today (although she’s not actually been a Hare yet), and Masterbator clocked in at 400 as well.
King Rat (Chuck Spears) gave the Rathole to JoJo, and he was followed by the rats: Big Gunn, Rough Knight, and Happy Yappy. Pisca Pisca was not here today, so the other regular Hashshit had to take it for today – Echo.
Run 1420 7th January 2012
Passports were needed for this run. Into Boane we were taken – that is those that weren’t too chicken to make the long journey (Outrigger included as he’s not allowed out after dark!). The walkers trail was non-existent, and was made up by those fast walkers – Black Wanker and Lap Dancer. Pan Body went missing with one of the female new comers, then both to be seen later appeared from the grass together – sex on the hash!
Several Hashers contaminated the water supply at the treatment centre, before continuing further towards the end. There was a distinct lack of paper for runners and walkers alike, an environmental run! The beer stop was well needed on the scorching hot day, and due to the long journey, some Hashers were becoming sober – a dangerous thing!
A new Hasher was baptised into the fold today, and everyone drank to Wheelie. Evil Kenival and Howling Hyena were being rude and naughty together, whilst the eagled eyes of Dirty Pussy spotted new shoes on Sparky and Echo. Rough Knight, Chuck Spears, Sparky, Chicken Surprise and Masterbator were all singled out and ratted on. The return of Pisca Pisca signalled what was to come for the New Year – Hashshit!
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